Moniqe Coleman 4/14/08

Last Breath

I laid in the bed pissed off! It was mid-July in Arkansas, no air or fan, I was old, some fool had left the window up, and I was dying. These people thought it was a good idea to have me wrapped up like a pig in a blanket. Mosquitoes were everywhere and how was I supposed to swat them. I looked around the room and it was much like my house. Plain; bed, dresser, and recliner. That’s all I needed. Didn’t need many clothes either. A few church suits and some khakis. I had always been a very basic guy. If I weren’t dying I’d cuss all these fools out and kick them through the front door. I slowly opened my eyes as I heard the wood floors squeak. I let out a low moan, not in pain but annoyance. People really are a bunch of fools, I was glad I was leaving. She slowly walked over to my bed. The only visitors I ever had were my kids and the grandkids. I don’t think they knew that I could do without seeing them or those brats. I closed my eyes as the middle-aged woman leaned in to give me a hug. I didn’t want to see her and sure didn’t want to smell that cheap wal-mart perfume she was wearing. She had some nerve. I started to shake and let out a few horrible coughs. My nose was quickly freed from her scent. I figured she was just like the rest of them. Already plotting to turn my funeral into some black and gray fashion show. Maybe see who could cry the loudest or the longest. I opened my eyes to see her shake herself off a little as she left the room. I’m sure she didn’t want to have the smell of old dead man on her, though I’m sure it smelled a lot better than what she had on. So this was death. It wasn’t nearly as dramatic as people make it seem. I could actually feel the life being drawn from my frail body with each passing breath. Images were dimming. I could barely hear the people talking in the hallway. I heard bits about me being such a Christian man, a good father. The truth was no one really knew me at all. I could no longer move my legs. She was all I had in life and she had been gone for about twenty five years. My tongue had forgotten its purpose. I only made a point to go to church every Sunday so I would be sure to see her when my time came. My lungs must have suddenly been filled with cement. I could no longer hear their senseless blabbing. The light in my eyes had been extinguished but I could clearly see Death walking closer to my bed.
I opened my eyes to find a park. The type you see on the tv. The grass was actually trimmed and green. The trees were tall and in bloom with a flower I’ve never seen before. The park bench was minus some old homeless lady or drunk. But there was this guy; just sitting there. I was drawn to this man, no real reason, I just had to sit next to him and so I did. He was a real nice guy, very polite. Asked me my name, but I was confused. It felt like I knew him and for that reason I thought he should’ve known me. I told him my name and he just looked. I got really upset. I knew I’d seen him or heard of him from somewhere so why didn’t he know me. I went on to describe myself. He was a really good listener. I told him about my life. How she was the only one who ever truly loved and understood me. Our lives were perfect until the kids came. They took up all her time and she lost interest in me. I confessed that I couldn’t help but be bitter. I decided to tell him a secret. He just listened but I felt like he already knew what I was about to say. I told him that my whole life I had only been going through the motions. Sure I was at the kids games and school plays but not because I wanted to. I only went to church to make her happy. I was a good father only to make her happy. He said he was never pleased with the way I treated my kids or anybody else. He told me He’d only sent her to me so that I would be a better, happier man. She would help me find Him. But instead I’d turned our love into a sick obsession. He told me He was really disappointed in the way I’d turned his blessing into my downfall. He said He loved me and really enjoyed us finally getting a chance to really talk. He got up from the bench and walked away. Then I started to fall.